Braedon,
I really enjoyed reading your paper. I am not even going sit here and lie and say I was not nervous at first. I did not know what kind of writer you would be. I remember the one day in class you just raised your hand and said something to the affect of, “I like drugs so that is what I am going to talk about.” There is nothing wrong with that statement at all. I just got thrown off in a good way when you expressed your feelings towards your grandparent’s house and how they touch you emotionally. Also I would not have guessed you skied. That was also just another cool thing to read about.
Along with the main idea you are trying to get across of being touched physically and emotionally by two things that you love. I loved how you would describe things. When I was reading your paper my friend was in my room with me and I just stopped and read it out loud and told her to listen how descriptive this kid in my class is being. “My gram would be making supper consisting of green beans that were fresh picked from the garden and gleamed with green color. She would make fresh garlic bread that dripped with butt and was golden brown.” I am not here to bullshit you, when I read that my mouth salivates for those delicious foods.
One thing that bothered me a bit was that you were not descriptive in your goal statements. The whole time I kept wondering is this a narrative or an informative piece and it kind of shifted from styles when you went from talking about your grandparents to skiing. I think if you just clearly defined what genre you were writing in then it would be a bit clearer.
Overall I feel that your paper has a great idea behind it, just a little out of whack in some areas. You yourself said it was the quickest paper you wrote. Therefore I believe if you take your time and work on it, it should be even better than what it is. I think you have this knack for hooking the reader’s attention, it is very good writing.
