Peer Editing-Project #1
Dear Miss O’Brien,
When I first received your paper I looked at the title, “The Smell of Cucumbers can Arouse Women?!” I immediately was hooked into reading more about your paper. I just wanted to learn more about cucumbers and how they stimulate a woman’s sexual desires. As a young eighteen year old boy myself, I would love to know more ways to arouse women other than using my dashing Calvin Klein modeling poses.
After that I went to your goals to see what this paper was going to be about. You perfectly hit the nail on the head when describing me. I appreciate your time for reading my blogs to get to know who I am. I believe because you did this, it made me want to read more. It showed that you care about your paper, so I should care about peer editing it as well. I also enjoyed you wanting to see if you really could make me laugh, it’s not a hard thing to do, but you succeeded. An example of when I laughed would be when you wrote in your paper, “Ackerman goes on and tells us a story about how women in the Elizabethan Era used to stick a piece of apple peel under their armpits and give it to their lovers.” That was one of those facts that stuck out to me the most in your paper, because it was disturbing yet hilarious.
Nobody is perfect and most of us write shitty first drafts and there were problems I had with reading your paper. One of the problems I had with reading this paper was the consistent use of the word “aroused”. I know it is in your title and there are not really many other words you could use. I was just thinking that you could switch up sentences then it could become easier to find more words instead of the consistent repetition of the word aroused.
In your goal statements afterwards you stated how you had trouble expanding on your topic. I agree with that, but then I sympathize with you because it seems like a hard topic to expand on. Which is why maybe you could think about going into more depth on certain topics? Do not be afraid to sound perverted. You have cited Ackerman a number of times, use her as an even more in depth resource. She does not care about what people think when reading her books. She is blunt and to the point, perverted, and yet expands on everything.
I cannot tell a lie. After reading this paper, you have persuaded me to go out and buy cucumber melon scented spray to attract women. Most guys would make fun of me for wearing such a scent, but then I would explain what effect this scent has on women. Who knows, maybe this could go as far to the Axe and Abercrombie corporations and start a new fad? Men would smell like cucumbers for their significant others. That would not be such a bad world to live in, if everybody smelled like food.
Sincerely,
Brock A. Kawana
